Creative Writing - Regrets

 One thing I regret? Well I have many to choose from. People say they have no regrets. Really? No regrets? Not one? Im jealous. I wish I had no regrets. I'll always have regrets and my biggest one was falling for a charming, handsome, kind, caring who surprisingly was a jerk. John McClesh, the man of my dreams. Two weeks ago he cheated on me with my former boss; Gloria, she flawless in every way (on the outside). And yes she is the beautiful blonde that made it to the top by the size of her breasts. John and I broke up only two weeks ago. And now I'm the photographer at his weeding. Yes, you heard me. His wedding.

I contemplate throwing the wedding cake on the Glorias dress, however that wouldn't be fun? Wait, that would be lots of fun! But I need this job. I watch as she gracefully walks down the aisle, looking flawless, I'm so jealous because only two weeks ago I honestly thought that that would be me one day. He is just standing their not caring that I'm there, not caring that just two weeks ago he shattered my heart. I shake it off. And press on with the job at hand. And it's not my fault if the 'camera' adds ten pounds to the size 6 figure she is so proud of. 

Without a second thought the camera flashes and now I'm eating my creme burlee. One good thing about this wedding is the food is to die for. I'm tired of mopping round this rather beautiful banquet hall. It's even more stunning than a sunset on the beach. There are lilies in water in vases. The simplicity gives it even more beauty. The chairs have light pink ribbon that are tied in a bow. The chandlers are dangling down off the roof effortlessly. So delicate that If a feather, light as air were to land on them,they would shatter. The tables were layered in rose petals. The cultary had designs so gorgeous they must have been designed by angels. But no, sadly its not mine. Its Glorias.

Seeing the happy couple is depressing. I weep, in my head, of course! Or so I thought. A kind lady walks up to me and asks if I'm alright. I'm hesitant to answer. I examine her head to toe. She's around my age and is dressed like a stripper. Short, small and barely there are what her clothes look like. Her eyes scream kind and caring so I answer. "I'm alive, thats all matters I guess?" I get a rude awakening when shes starts giving me a lecture on how life is a gift, and to treat it with respect. I nod in agreement. But really I'm thinking which flavor of ice-cream I will have tonight after this nightmare is over. I'm awakened from my dream with a extremely stupid question. "So, whats your connection to the happy couple?" She doesn't exactly seems to happy for them but I shrugged it off. I wait for her to realize I have a camera in my hand, snapping up pictures of the wedding. I gesture to my camera. "Oh right, blonde moment, you know us blondes." She laughes awkwardly, in a desperate attempt to keep the conversation alive she gives me her life story. "Well, I'm an ex of the groom. That BEEP slept with the bride while we were going out and then broke up with me two weeks ago." I suddenly am alert. "WAIT!" I answered. "Did you say two weeks ago?" "Yeah, two weeks ago, if i didn't know any better he only hired me as a dancer to make me jealousy." that *beep* "Oh gosh that is exactly what happened to me." This is normally about the time when I break down in tears. But I don't I freeze. Oblivious to the stripper; who's name I don't know yet shaking me furiously. I scan the room. Analyzing every single woman in the room. Trying to figure out if they were "bumped" two weeks ago too. 

About an hour later when the dancing had begun. I gather a bunch of woman. Thirteen to be exact. Thirteen woman were dumped exactly two weeks ago for the same reason. John is exiting the hall to go toilet, now is our only chance to confront him, I instruct the girls to cover all exits. I stand outside the cubical. Waiting for him to come out. I question why im doing this. What will ot achieve? I don't have time to answer. The door slowly creeks open.  My heart is pounding, I stand proud. He exits, jumps in fear. "Oh my. Um judy, how is it going? Thanks for taking the photos, your photographs are amazing." There is a sense of fear in his voice, and so there should be. "Really? Why thank you! You know what else you might find amazing. That you can date fourteen girls at the same time. Plus have an affair You made me feel like I was the one, you made all of us feel like we were the one. Now it's time for revenge."

 I think about what I just said and realized I was repetitively pounding his head into the tap. Blood gushing everywhere. I stop with a sudden jolt as he screams in pain. I think about how the most humane way to kill an animal is normally to gas or slit their throat and without a second thought I yanked a sharp necklaces of a girl and slowly slide it through his throat, with such ease, like a hot knife through butter. And lets just say after a few more kicks to the head he was not screaming anymore. I shrink into a ball knowing the consequences of my actions, but I can't help but feel a sense of relief. My thought were interrupted with the sound of flashes and an annoying tv show presenter saying " what do you say, will you give john another chance  judy? Because you just got pranked by HOLY SHIT. 911 NOW!" 

Lets just say that show never aired and that I truly didn't regret a thing.

:)